Thursday, June 12, 2014

"SORRY BUDDY, BUT I DON'T MAKE THE RULES..." (wondering why I never meet anyone willing to bend a stupid rule, when everyone expects me to...)

          We live in a typical suburban neighborhood, where people keep an eye on one another (out of curiosity) and an eye out for trouble (out of a sense of self-preservation).  Usually, it's quiet, other than the occasional lawn mowing crew or some idiot with a leaf blower.  Our little subdivision lies on a loop road just off of a cross street that's called home by folks who own McMansions set out on ten acre lots.  When you get past the Beemers and Cadillacs, you'll find our humble abode, the one with the rusting 1997 model Ford Ranger truck in the driveway.

          Every week a parade of tractors with bushhog mowers goes up and down Irby Lane, making sure Cadillac Country is nice and trimmed in those open spaces no one wants to mow.  Meanwhile, our little stretch of road has a very noticeable patch of overgrown weeds, thistles, and all sorts of assorted underbrush, much too thick for a lawn mower to handle.  No one pulls off of Cadillac row to give our little jungle patch a mowing, even though there are usually four or five tractors following one another, mowing the same spots the last one mowed.

          A few minutes ago I heard the tractor pull coming up the road, so I walked out to the crossroad (and sold my soul to the devil, who taught me how to play this here guitar REAL good!) and tried to convince one of my tractor drivers to come down our street for a quick pass.  He shook his head and said, "Can't."

          I said, "Can't?"

          And he nodded, just before leaning over the other side of the tractor to spit out what looked like a stream of goose shit and bile he'd been saving in his lip.

          "This here's city highway, and that there's county.  Can't go down that road, against the rules."

           "But... it's only a fifty yard patch of high grass and weeds, and it's less than a hundred yards from here.  Wouldn't take you thirty seconds..."  I reasoned.

            "Don't matter.  Can't."

            "Can't?" I repeated.

            "Sorry, buddy, I don't make the rules.  You can call the county, maybe they'll send somebody out."

             Heavy sigh...

             Every day someone calls me trying to weasel their way into some special price on my action photography, figuring my stated prices are negotiable.  I usually give in and cut someone a break, because I'd rather have SOMETHING for my work than not make a sale at all.  Besides, I'd probably give 'em the shots they want for free if they made a good enough case pleading poverty.  I'm pretty easy, which is why we're starving.

              But I never seem to run into anyone willing to do the same kinds of things when it's their job we're talking about.

               Why is that?



bj said...

Thanks for the tip! I KNOW where that cross creek crossroad is. Meet me there tonight .... at midnight ... full moon ... Friday the 13th ... I got's a black cat bone in muh pocket .. we's'll get us a mojo too, my brutha'!

notacynic said...

Because they're worried they'll 'get in trouble.' And you aren't. I guess. ; )

squatlo said...

Beej, I'm dyslexic, so I have to be careful I don't sell my soul to Santa. That bastard never comes through with the blues he promises...

squatlo said...

You're right, I hardly ever worry about someone else's liabilities. One of my many charms.

Grung_e_Gene said...

Reminds me of the Kurt Russell OK Corral movie, Tombstone,

'This isn't county business. This is a town matter."

Mister Ornery said...

Next time the tractor boys are around, you might try bribery. According to research on number of officials convicted of crimes, Tennessee ranks number 3, behind only 2, Louisiana and NUMBER ONE - Mississippi. Maybe appeal to their state pride with a small bribe. Only if they're caught, tried, and convicted, of course and that may not be easy if the judicial system is also corrupt.

squatlo said...

mR. Ornery, did you notice about eight of those top ten corrupt states were red states?